Recently a mom blogged how her husband takes their daughter out on dates, describing he picks out her dress and little purse and opens the doors for her as well as pulls her chair out for her and buys their dinner.
Then, another mom wrote a response piece (she has 2 boys) essentially saying it’s misogynistic and the mother and father in the original piece are against equal rights and how they’re teaching their daughter that a man can only show his love by taking her out to dinner, buying her flowers and drawing out answers to questions he asks. She goes on to say how she would never raise her sons to do this, and if they had a daughter her husband wouldn’t do “daddy daughter dates because it’s gross and sounds like a porn”.
Ok, so I don’t agree with the second moms position.
If your husband wants to take your daughter out for a special date and buy her flowers and open doors, he isn’t saying she’s not strong enough or she needs a man to provide nice things. It’s leading the example to be with someone who values you and appreciates you. My husband does buy me flowers for my birthday, our anniversary, and Valentine’s Day. He will randomly come home with “just because flowers”. This isn’t teaching our daughter to expect flowers, but to enjoy that sometimes daddy thinks of mommy and wants to do something nice.
Also, my husband works and I’m with the kids during the week and he gets home briefly before bedtime and sometimes he is home for bedtime and sometimes he’s not. But we make it work, and it’s important to us that both our kids have dedicated time with us so they know they are in fact a priority and that we cherish time with them.
Ok, to drawing out answers to questions, kids are kids! My nephew is 12 going on 17 and I talk to him on the phone once a week to check in and it’s like pulling teeth sometimes and that’s ok, because he’s young and I’m his nosey aunt who asks him lots of questions. My daughter is 3 and when I pick her up from school and ask “how was your day?”, “what did you enjoy most today?”. Sometimes I get an answer and sometimes I don’t, the dad is interested in his daughters life, her wants and needs and her likes. I’m sure if I searched the internet enough I could find a piece about dad’s not spending enough time with their daughters or dads spending too much time on their phones and not communicating enough. I get it, there’s a flip side to every arguement.
The dad pulling out the chair isn’t condescending- he’s being chivalrous and it’s nice to see. If you look at any boutique you’ll find a shirt that reads “boys will be boys [strike thru] good humans”. So why is it when a dad who wants to show his daughter to have expectations a bad thing?
Worst of all, who is saying this has to be anything but a dad enjoying time with his daughter, my husband has taken our daughter out without me, he opens the door because she’s too short to do it on her own, he pays because, well, she is a toddler and she doesn’t have money and if he handed her his card she wouldn’t know what to do with it and would just play with it, and he pulls out her chair because some chairs are too heavy for her, if we really want to get down to logistics.
But, my main point is; why do we as a society have to dissect everything and make it more than it is? Can’t we appreciate a dad taking his daughter out and enjoying time together? Because, I love it and I love when my friends do that with their daughters.
Now, that I’ve been writing all about dad and daughters, I do dates with my son, there was a mother son dance at the elementary school I went to. No matter the way you slice it parents are doing the best they can and want each child to feel valued and loved as well as appreciated. So lets step back from our screens and typing comments about how it sets a bad example and just enjoy that parents are making time to do something special with their kids.